Coaching Is The Language Of Connection

Listening is not hearing, it is making sure someone else feels heard.  

Strong communication and leadership are all about connecting. When you succeed in  connecting with others—one-to-one, in groups and with audiences—your confidence grows, your sense of belonging is reinforced, your ability to influence increases, you feel powerful and you become more emotionally resilient.

Coaching is the skillful language of connection. Coaches learn to use words, time and space to reach new levels of connection and move people.

So what impedes our ability to connect?

External Factors

Are you guilty of letting any of the following factors distract you from connecting with the person in front of you: cell phones, holding multiple conversations, computer screens, the conversation 3 feet down the hall, calendar reminders, the replay of the conversation this morning with your child, your grocery list? These are all factors that distract you from being fully present and engaging with the person in front of you.

Response Rehearsal

Have you blanked out of a conversation because you were thinking about how clever your response will be? Have you ever interrupted someone, thinking your ideas were so profound and important that you had to voice them in that moment or risk forgetting them? Each time your mind wanders, each time you interrupt, you are compromising trust and connection with another person. 

Fact Finding

Can you recall conversations that were led astray over pursuit of too much detail? When a conversation becomes about the problem, instead of the person, you risk overshadowing what’s really important to your counterpart. 

Being Judgemental

The opposite of curious is judgement. If you consider this statement to be true, how often are you creating distance between you and someone else with assumptions? What feeling comes over you when you feel judged? Are you building connections, or destroying them? Judgement is the number 1 barrier to connection.

Problem Solving

Plato calls opinion the medium between knowledge and ignorance. Empowerment comes from responsibility. Imposing views, opinions and beliefs on others impedes ownership and eventually trust in the relationship. Solving other people’s problems robs people of what ultimately empowers them= Responsibility.

Whether you want to connect more deeply on a personal or professional level, people need to feel they matter to connect with you. Make small progress on just one of the impediments to connection listed above and experience the noticeable shift in energy of the person you want to connect to.

Use your experience and expertise to help others experience breakthrough change.