Why "Just Be Yourself" Is Terrible Advice
Things worth taking away
- Being authentic means expressing your default style; being genuine keeps the sincerity and adds self-regulation, so you stay honest and take responsibility for how your words land.
- "Just be yourself" fails in the conversations that matter most, where your first, emotion-driven reaction is rarely your most skillful one.
- The out-of-your-depth feeling many call impostor syndrome often shows up at the second stage of the conscious competence model: a sign you've spotted a gap, not proof you don't belong.
- Choosing your words on purpose isn't fake. When your intention is to support the other person, being deliberate is a way of caring about your impact.
- Teams learn what's safe to say by watching how a leader handles a hard question; listening through the silence signals it's safe to speak up.
About this episode
“Just be yourself” sounds like the safest advice there is, and Nathalie hears a version of it constantly, from executives with 25 years of experience and from brand-new coaches. The trouble is that being yourself usually means falling back on your default communication style: the browser that came pre-installed, running untouched for 20, 30, 40 years.
In this solo episode of The Connection Experiment, Nathalie draws the line between being authentic — expressing whatever comes naturally — and being genuine, which keeps the sincerity but adds self-regulation, so you stay honest while taking responsibility for how your words land. Moving from one to the other is a skill, and like any new skill it feels unnatural at first. That out-of-your-depth feeling many of us label impostor syndrome is often just the second stage of learning: the moment you notice a gap you didn’t know was there.
She also takes on the obvious objection — does choosing your words on purpose make you fake? — and shows how a leader’s response to a hard question teaches a whole team whether it’s safe to speak up. The episode closes with a connection experiment: record yourself in a real conversation (with the other person’s knowledge), listen for the habits you didn’t know you had, and walk into your next important conversation with three questions about what the other person actually needs.
This episode grew from the blog post Authentic vs. Genuine: The Leadership Skill Most People Were Never Taught. Connect with Nathalie Blais on LinkedIn. Ready to practice being yourself on purpose? Learn more at Canada Coach Academy.
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